There is nothing inherently wrong with a man or woman buying a drink for the person he or she is interested in. However, when this gesture is manipulated for selfish gains one can have concerns, as to what can be referred to as, non-life giving ulterior motives. Should the act of buying a drink for a woman make a man believe he has rights of possession of her much less to have a relationship with her? Should women accept this? Either way this is a sticky issue as both men and women have been socially conditioned to accept this social dynamics of relationship which is always evolving. That is, a man has bargaining rights over a woman even though she may exercise some measure of bargaining herself.
Permit another issue to be drawn from the video. When is the right time to walk away from a potentially difficult, abusive or deadly relation?
Would the time for going separate ways be at the point of the first talk when both parties attempt to sell themselves to each other on the first encounter? One thing seems logical that the point of departure or escape ought to be that very first sense or gut feeling of discomfort, fear of, imprisonment by, etc. The first encounter, as in the case in the video can supply adequate material for precise action to stop and turn around and walk away from the person. In business studies there was the concept of the “foot in the door” which is, any initial interaction with a salesperson draws the buyer further into a commitment to purchase. The salesperson knows how to get the commitment from the buyer.
In the case of a relationship the person being pursued has to be clear on what they “need” in a relationship. This clarity comes with “knowing thy self”. To know one self allows for the ability to recognise very early when to say yes to or no. It allows one to know when to discontinue any form of interaction.
Women especially, in fact men too, must be able to know how to escape what can be potentially deadly endings. Avoid the informal and impersonal relationship contracts. The right or wrong response can represent the turning point from your sense of freedom and happiness to one of imprisonment. What’s your choice?
Sankofa M F O Tuzinde 31st October 2010
The FeTe, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAVCpYHlWLk, [copied 27th October 2010]