“Get it together!” Imagine being told to get it together by your significant partner. You might want to shout back, “Why doesn’t he/she get it together... the ladies in such a situation might exclaim, “he’s the one hitting on me!” In all reality, the one being abused also has something to get together in order to be freed from abuse. Some people refuse to take steps toward their own healing. Rooted in the context of choice, there is always something one can do to heal, free, or renew oneself. What attracts you to him, or he to you, that particular man or woman? Just as money attracts money so to attitude attracts attitude, culture attracts culture.

A woman might be attracting the kind of character she sees in the significant male who nurtured her or misnurtured her (the reverse is equally true). So one has to look into the psychological self with the help of a professional to explore these realities and address them. It is the only way to escape for good to that point of no return, to what one has escaped from.

A man who does not respect the woman he is with on all levels might be reflecting the same ways his father or significant male in his life did not respect his mother and women in general.  Both men and women can reflect or project what was received in their upbringing.

In one’s growing up years one can receive these patterns of behaviour in one’s subconscious mind. As an adult two things could happen. Firstly, a person is likely to be drawn to people with personalities and behavioural attitudes they observed while growing up. Secondly, a person is likely to attract people with the personalities of their significant male (one’s father or male person in their family who significantly nurtured or misnurtured them.  What then is the next step?

The next step is for each person to go after the process of self healing. The choice is to reclaim one’s life identity. It is the choice, to break from the values one rather not have, values which control and imprison a person for attempting to be free from an abuser. It is also a choice to be free from that aspect of the self which may produce either the afflicted or afflicter or even both. No one has the power to hurt another person but the person’s own self. It is a choice to get down to the work of rescuing oneself. It is hard work no doubt but it is worth the effort.

 Perhaps you may read india Ari’s song. It is quite inspiring for the purpose of this reflection? What say you?

Sankofa M. F Tusinde 24th October 2010

Note: This song can be found on youtube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tdeEJ9-YIs&NR=1, [01st Oct. 2010] and the lyric, from: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/indiaarie/getittogether.html, [copied 01st Oct. 2010]

 

 

 

A friend posted a video of an athlete whose hamstring tore during a 400 meters race. The chap got up and started limping towards the finish line. During that tremendous effort his father ran to his assistance and made it to the finish line with his injured son. Oh what intimacy! Fathers and mothers your sons and daughters need you by their side to help them finish successfully the race of life with all its ups and downs.

Parents come forward and hold your children. Help them stand up and give an account of themselves, for indeed they will give an account of you. For the many fathers and mothers who are getting it right, thank you. God bless your efforts to be responsible parents in response to your children.

Your life giving efforts for your household’s sake is commendable keep it up. Parents doing the best you can, sometimes alone, to hold the family together, stand up tall. Families help a society stand tall when they raise good children.

Sankofa M. F Tusinde 17th October 2010

God bless.


This blog was influenced by the Derek Redmond Perseverance YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nifq3Ke2Q30, [copied 17th Oct. 2010]

             Is it true that many women have a sense that they are dating the wrong guy quite early in the relationship?  When you just started going out together did you feel uneasiness, because you were talking with a male friend? You probably told yourself, “It’s nothing”.  How many times you have had that very same experience and each time you felt it in your stomach?

             Did I hear you say, “Oh yeah it’s true!” Ok, what about the observations you made, such as he treats your mom and younger siblings like ‘royalties’ but his own family has to beg to get him to lift a finger for them.  These acts and many more were the true colours of a broken soul leaking through the fine clothes and colognes.  Will the situation get better after marriage?

            The plea is to trust your instincts and your mom, who often times can read through the ‘dandy man’.  Do you find that you are often interrogated by him as to who you were with, where you went, who was that guy you were talking to? As for the red flags, of insecurity, brokenness, etc., the list can go on.  These red flags tend to pop up at every interaction with him.

            Some people may experience family jealousy and would therefore tend to distrust their family’s advice and warnings about the person they are dating.  Generally, mothers tend to be dead on as to what vibes she is getting from your friend.  At least take it with a pinch of salt.

          Your family’s help in sorting out relationships can go a long way.  Blood is thicker than water so do not reject what your family has to say.  At least reflect on their observations and advice.  Check in with them.  What say you? 


Sankofa Tuzinde 03rd Oct. 2010

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