Q. Can a person change their relationship partner's ways and attitude?
A. One can influence the change of another but in the final analysis it is totally up to an individual to freely choose to change their ways and attitudes.
Q. Do I, as an individual, deserve better in terms of the treatment I get from my partner?
A. Yes you deserve better treatment from anyone you are in relationship with. You deserve treatment of love and respect. Work hard on positive treatment towards yourself first. You have what it takes to respect yourself.
Q. What is the right age to start a relationship?
A. The right age varies from culture to culture. However, let the choice be governed by a sense of maturity, readiness in terms of the many demands relationship brings. In loving households, the guidance and advice from parents, siblings, friends and other family members are priceless do not 'damn' them. There is an understanding that some homes are not life giving and children and young adults opt to escape these non-life giving environments. A relationship is not an escape doorway. You would most likely have to address issues in your life affected by the impact received in your family home. In short, be patient. Do not inhibit yourself thinking that there is a fixed age. Celebrate life and the friends and family you have around you. It is not a black and white issue. Take your time.
Q. What then is the ideal age to get engaged and married?
A. Ideally over twenty five years seems a point when there is greater awareness of who you are and what the issues in your life are. Also, at that age one might be more settled in their career. One may also have a sense of their life's directions. Human maturing is more than physical maturity. You will always be the best knower of 'you' but consultation with family and friend will not hurt even at age 25 and over. Long answer? It is not a black and white issue. Be wise for your happiness.
Q. Can perpetrators of domestic violence experience deliverance and healing?
A. Yes, if they want it. The person must arrive at a point where they recognize their brokenness and own victimhood after which, they can begin the long hard journey to address their issues. Along that process road they can arrive at another juncture where they can forgive themselves, ask forgiveness where possible, and seek reconciliation. It is a restorative process unlike penal correction (in which there is no real correction but isolation from society thus loss of freedom). For restoration to happen the community be it in which the perpetrator live, work or attend school has to be open to doing restorative work as well, so as to be welcoming to the struggling person seeking to become whole and life-giving in other word seeking to restore their human dignity. With the kind of help available in our modern world where information is at our finger tips all things are even more possible than ever before. On a final note, one has to sometimes treat this kind of situation as “always recovering”. Perhaps the 12 steps used by Alcohol Anonymous could serve as a good guide for both perpetrator and victim to ensure developing good discipline for success in their endeavor to be heal from brokenness.
A. One can influence the change of another but in the final analysis it is totally up to an individual to freely choose to change their ways and attitudes.
Q. Do I, as an individual, deserve better in terms of the treatment I get from my partner?
A. Yes you deserve better treatment from anyone you are in relationship with. You deserve treatment of love and respect. Work hard on positive treatment towards yourself first. You have what it takes to respect yourself.
Q. What is the right age to start a relationship?
A. The right age varies from culture to culture. However, let the choice be governed by a sense of maturity, readiness in terms of the many demands relationship brings. In loving households, the guidance and advice from parents, siblings, friends and other family members are priceless do not 'damn' them. There is an understanding that some homes are not life giving and children and young adults opt to escape these non-life giving environments. A relationship is not an escape doorway. You would most likely have to address issues in your life affected by the impact received in your family home. In short, be patient. Do not inhibit yourself thinking that there is a fixed age. Celebrate life and the friends and family you have around you. It is not a black and white issue. Take your time.
Q. What then is the ideal age to get engaged and married?
A. Ideally over twenty five years seems a point when there is greater awareness of who you are and what the issues in your life are. Also, at that age one might be more settled in their career. One may also have a sense of their life's directions. Human maturing is more than physical maturity. You will always be the best knower of 'you' but consultation with family and friend will not hurt even at age 25 and over. Long answer? It is not a black and white issue. Be wise for your happiness.
Q. Can perpetrators of domestic violence experience deliverance and healing?
A. Yes, if they want it. The person must arrive at a point where they recognize their brokenness and own victimhood after which, they can begin the long hard journey to address their issues. Along that process road they can arrive at another juncture where they can forgive themselves, ask forgiveness where possible, and seek reconciliation. It is a restorative process unlike penal correction (in which there is no real correction but isolation from society thus loss of freedom). For restoration to happen the community be it in which the perpetrator live, work or attend school has to be open to doing restorative work as well, so as to be welcoming to the struggling person seeking to become whole and life-giving in other word seeking to restore their human dignity. With the kind of help available in our modern world where information is at our finger tips all things are even more possible than ever before. On a final note, one has to sometimes treat this kind of situation as “always recovering”. Perhaps the 12 steps used by Alcohol Anonymous could serve as a good guide for both perpetrator and victim to ensure developing good discipline for success in their endeavor to be heal from brokenness.
